well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
