our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
