You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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