is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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