I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It's never too late to be topless.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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