He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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