Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
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Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
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I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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