so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
