It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm so fucking centered right now
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
