She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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