I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
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My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
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I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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