If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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