And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
