im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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