how can u be prego again
This is not my ceiling
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
