Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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