if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
