giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
