every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
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I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
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Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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