Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
