dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
