My room smells like vodka and shame
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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