I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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