so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
