Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
