I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I bet he comes in French.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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