If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
