Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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