cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
