Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
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I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
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New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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