Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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