Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
And then he peed in my hair
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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