Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
