I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
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Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
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My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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