I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
