none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Two words: blizzard sex
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
