I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm too high and old for this...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
