i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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