just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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