I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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