i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
