well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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