Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
