so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
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She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
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Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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