I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
