My Higher Power is John Stamos
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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