Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
