did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
