i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The chlamydia really affected his face.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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