Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Dicks are not precious.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
