Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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