Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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