Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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