even my farts smell like vagina
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
