oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
