brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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