Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So many bounce houses so little time
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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