at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
