Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
