Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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