home. puking in laundry basket.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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