"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
handjob tips. give me some.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
