evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
