Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
