Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
be right there i have to get my cape
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
