Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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