I could have mohawked her pubes.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We need a shit load of segways right now
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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