I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize