I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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