So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
