she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
